


Please save me

by Nameless101



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Self-Harm, horrible parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:37:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8841310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nameless101/pseuds/Nameless101
Summary: Hi!So this is my first fanfic on A3OI have the tendency to be really bad at finishing fics so I'm going to keep at oneshots for now!Tell me what you thought of it!All mistakes are mine and please be polite when you tell me.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> So this is my first fanfic on A3O  
> I have the tendency to be really bad at finishing fics so I'm going to keep at oneshots for now!  
> Tell me what you thought of it!  
> All mistakes are mine and please be polite when you tell me.

_No._ Erin thought. _I know I’m not gay. I can’t be gay. I’m not gay. I know I’m not._

It became her mantra after years of hearing her parents tell her that it was a sin. She had been, somewhat, happy with Phil for as long as it lasted. She had a crush on Kevin, sure that meant she wasn’t gay? Erin had tried so hard to be the perfect daughter, the perfect girlfriend.

And now fucking Holtzmann had ruined everything. How could Erin be strong when Holtz kept flirting with her? Because Erin had been strong throughout the passed 24 years, she denied herself everything not ‘normal’.

“Erin?” Abby knocked on the bathroom door. “Is everything okay in there? You kind of vanished an hour ago.”

It’s been an hour. Maybe she should just stay in here for the rest of her life, with no food it shouldn’t take long, maybe also stop drinking that should only last her for about a week. Leave a note saying: “Please put: ‘died because she couldn’t handle love’ on my tombstone.” That should be enough right?

“I’m fine, Abs. Don’t worry, just needed some time for myself.”

“In the bathroom?! Erin, please just go to a spa like them normals do.”

Erin teared up and pulled her knees to her chest and let her head fall on her knees. “I’ll consider it.”

_See, even Abby thinks you’re weird. Why the fuck can’t you just be normal? It ain’t that hard._

_I don’t know! I just don’t know… It’s over, I’ll fucking change it._

She got up, smashed her razor and took off her clothes. She sat down in the bathtub and turned on the water. She slowly pushed the razor in her wrist and dragged it along for a couple of inches.

_Fuck, it’s not straight. Neither are you though._

She looked at her wrist and the horizontal line was slowly dripping blood. She took the razorblade again and slit her wrist again. And again. And again. Until her wrist only contained angry red lines.

She saw the blood dripping from the cuts and still didn’t feel like she was punished enough. She traced a scar that she had from a surgery on her broken arm. The arm her father broke when she said she liked girls. Erin remembered the pain.

She grabbed the razorblade again but decided her wrist had enough cuts. Erin looked at her boobs and slowly dragged the blade over her breast a couple of times. She sighed when she felt the pain she knew she deserved. She knew she was going to need to wear loose clothing, but at least she found peace within herself. Erin started on the next cut when she heard:

“Erin, babe, you there?”

* * *

 

“She said she’s fine.” Abby said. “She just needs some time alone.”

Abby, Patty and Holtzy were sitting around the table. Patty was reading in her non-fiction book about New York, Abby was trying to finish her letter to the Chinese place about the lack of wontons in her soup and Holtzmann was laying down with her arms over her head.

“Why does she wants time alone? She looked upset to me.” Patty said.

“I don’t know.” Abby responded. “Holtz, do you have an idea?”

Holtz looked guilty. “I don’t know, she saw me naked though this morning. I then might’ve told her that if she wanted a piece of this she just had to ask, not barge in.”

Holtz laid down on the couch and buried herself in the pillows.

“I didn’t think I said anything wrong, but I might have if she has locked herself up in the bathroom all day.”

“Holtz, I love you, but that’s not your best flirting move. You’ve had better ones.” Patty told her.

After a moment of silence.

“I should go apologize, right?” Holtzmann said, standing up and walking upstairs.

* * *

 

“Erin, babe, you there?” Holtz called. “Look, I want to apologize for this morning. It wasn’t nice of me to tell you to just ask and not barge in. You didn’t know and I was being an ass. I’m sorry, Erin.”

“It’s fine, Holtzmann.”

“Can you then please come out of the bathroom? I want to look at those pretty eyes.”

Erin panicked, how was she ever going to clean all this up? Holtzmann wouldn’t judge right? “Promise you won’t judge or laugh?” Holtz raised her eyebrows but promised Erin. “Okay, just give me a minute.” Erin scrambled to wrap up the cuts, put on her clothes and throw away the blades. Then she opened the door and looked at Holtzmann’s feet. She heard Holtzmann gasp. Fuck, she forgot about the bath. Erin turned around and saw the bathwater having a bloodred shine to it.

“GIRLS? Everything alright up there?” Patty yelled.

“Yeah! Don’t worry, everything under control! Just figuring out how to apologize best.” Holtz yelled while pulling Erin in the bathroom and locking the door.

She made Erin sit on the side of the tub and kneeled in front of Erin.

“Talk to me, babe. Why is the water so red? I know it can’t come from your period.”

Erin tried to look anywhere except at Holtzmann, she decided at a spot she could see between her legs. She made herself as small as possible and started stuttering.

“Calm down, hun. I’m not judging, I promise. I just want to know what happened.” Holtz took Erin’s hand and rubbed small circles on it with her thumb. Erin took a deep breath and slowly took of her jacket to show Holtz her wrists. Holtz took one of her wrists and slowly undid the bandage.

“Is that everything, sweetie? Or are there others that could get infected?” Erin shook her head and tried with shaking hands to get her shirt off. Holtz helped her at the end. She teared up when she saw the hot red angry stripes on Erin’s breasts.

“Do you want to tell me why, buttercup?”

Erin hesitated and Holtz put her in her lap and cuddled her until she felt up for it.

“Promise you won’t get angry, Holtz?”

“Of course I won’t get angry! And it’s Jillian for you, hun.”

Erin turned herself to Jillian and put her head on Holtz’s shoulder.

“I needed to be punished. It needed to hurt. I’m not normal enough, not good enough. I thought I could be the perfect daughter and I failed. I thought I could be the perfect girlfriend and I failed at that too. Then you come along, stirring up all the emotions I haven’t let myself feel in a long time. I couldn’t deal with it.”

“Hey, only a fool would let you walk away. And you are the closest thing I know to perfect, hun.”

Erin smiled a little bit but that smile went away quickly.

“I don’t want to offend you, but being gay isn’t normal. Everyone has been telling me that and they must be right. A good daughter will not bring a girl home to present to her parents. And I want to be good so freaking bad, I just can’t with you around. Every time I see you, I can only think about your smile or your eyes. Or about how much I want to wake up next to you in the morning. And it scares me, because it’s imprinted it me that I know I’m not gay. I can’t be gay. I’m not gay. I know I’m not.”

Erin started crying and clung to Jillian.

“I know an awesome therapist that can help you feel normal, Erin, I’m here for you. And until you’re ready I’ll be waiting here for you. I promise you that.”

Erin looked at Jillian and hugged her tightly.

“You’ll get through this, Erin. And I’ll be right here.”

**Author's Note:**

> Self harm isn't romantic.  
> Please leave a message!


End file.
